Nineteen. That’s how many days stood between me and my ability to claim I was mom to four teenager daughters at once. You see, my eldest crossed the threshold into 20 nineteen days before my baby turned 13. I was disappointed when I realized that never would all my daughters officially be “teenagers” at once.

I truly loved parenting in the teen years. The hard work of continual discipline and morality lessons had been done in the toddler and middle school years. My teens were so much fun to be around. They were independent teens who filled my days with deep belly laughs and my evenings with long, thought-provoking discussions. (Disclaimer: not unlike toddlers, teens still zap your sleep. The best talks aren’t even initiated until after midnight.)

But others don’t seem to agree with me; some feel it’s torture to have any teenagers under their roof. When did raising teenagers get such a bad rap?

The word “teenager” didn’t exist before the 1940s

Believe it or not, the answer is in this book. Or actually the answer is in what’s NOT in this book:

I became the new owner of this amazing old treasure at our library book sale. It’s dusty. It’s huge. It’s a tome of words… a dictionary printed in 1920.

A daughter sauntered over to me as I perused the historical fiction table and announced I had to see THIS. She knew I’d love it.

In excitement she pulled me–literally pulled me–three tables down and a row over. “Look!” was her one-word invitation to glance at the richly marbled end papers and water stained, worn, embossed cover as she gingerly turned some of its thousands of pages of vernacular expressions, idioms, and agricultural and botanic terms from 1920.

I knew one particular entry I wanted to look for immediately. I’d heard this word didn’t exist prior to WWII. I’d heard this word was simply never a thought in a parent’s mind. It’s a word I use sparingly. It’s a word I dislike because of what it stands for.

Before telling you the word I was looking up and why, I have a family photo to share with you.

This photo of my granddad and grandmother was taken around the same time that this amazing dictionary was coming off the printing press. It’s of my Dad’s parents and his oldest sibling.

My grandparents are 17 and 19 in the picture, with their first of 10 children sitting on grandmom’s lap. They knew how to raise food and make meals from scratch, or “off the land,” as my dad always said. They knew true adult joys and hardships and responsibilities.

What does this have to do with my daughter’s wonderful dictionary find? Well the word I immediately went looking for was one that didn’t exist when it was printed or when this sweet photo was taken of Jim and Rosa and my Aunt Pauline. (Read this post if you’d like to know more about Pauline, that captivating little girl in the photograph.)

You see, the dictionary printed in 1920 has no entry for “teenager.” The term wasn’t coined for quite a few more decades.

Why I don’t use the term “teenager”

To be honest, I don’t use the term “teenager” often. I despise what it stands for.

You see, the word “teenager” evolved in our society after WWII, in an attempt to let children stay children a little longer, after witnessing too many youth go off to war and never return.

So young people who used to long to be mature and work side-by-side with adults, learning adult skills, were encouraged to hold onto their childhoods and not worry about responsibilities or independence.

But soon adults started lamenting the irresponsible “teenagers” that resulted. In truth, young adults don’t want to be indulged and given more time to be kids. Young adults enjoy working elbow-to-elbow with skilled adults who can teach them life skills.

Young adults crave life skills. Young adults crave independence. Young adults long to gracefully slip into adulthood. But they can’t do that if they’re ill prepared to do so. They can’t do that if they’re overprotected as “teenagers.” 

Why I do work hard at relationships with my young adult children

I recently interviewed Chris Coursey, author of 4 Habits of a Joy-Filled Life, on the Simple Doesn’t Mean Easy podcast and learned something fascinating about the young adult brain.

We all–at every age–need moments of high-energy joy and low-energy rest throughout our days. They are two sides of the same coin and both are necessary. But young adults, in the 13-16 year range specifically, have a lot of trouble with resting. The hormones keep the brain very active, and without the much-needed counterbalance of rest, young adults often need reliable, caring relationships with parents more than ever.

Listen in to the episode here: How joy fuels our brains & improves our health, with Chris Coursey, Season 5 Episode 14 of the Simple Doesn’t Mean Easy Podcast

Or here:

Or watch the full episode here:

Why teens shouldn’t “embrace their childhood”

So, no, my heirloom picture boasts of no “teenagers.” Jim and Rosa would have would have surely scoffed at the idea of “embracing their childhood a little longer.” There were farm fields to tend, food to can, clothes to mend, and a fulfilling life to live.

And my home didn’t really ever boast of “teenagers” either.

I choose to not use the word if I didn’t have to.

When each daughter turned 13 we actually sat down (usually over a mom-daughter lunch at her favorite sandwich shop) and talked about this little history lesson and I assured her I was there to help her gracefully slip into adulthood in the wonderful 5 years ahead.

I assured her I had no intention of coddling her or asking her to stay my baby (not that we couldn’t reminisce and pull out that adorable baby book any old time she wanted to, mind you), but instead I was eager to help her develop all those amazing talents and skills she was discovering that she had.

Mind you, I didn’t tell her to follow Rosa’s example with a husband beside her and a babe on her lap at 17, but I did encourage her to know that she had great abilities already and we would hone those skills in the years ahead and she would be taking the world by storm before we knew it.

More about parenting (and “teenagers”)

Encourage your child to be an entrepreneur

Help your children be philanthropic

Your child’s “small” interests can make a big impact

Free resources to Help you Homeschool Children Who Change the World

Tips and Life Hacks from 11 Encouraging Moms, including Michelle

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord.” Col. 3:23

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Motivating Family to Help in the Kitchen (listen here)

For more encouragement, follow the Simple Doesn’t Mean Easy podcast on your favorite podcast player.

Motivating Family to Help in the Kitchen (watch here)

Today’s episode is sponsored by True Leaf Market… my absolute favorite seed company. GO HERE to take advantage of the generous special offer for podcast listeners.

IN THIS EPISODE

– Why you might want to do all the cleanup yourself if teens are baking (it’s not why you think).

– How our family worked out a chore chart for the kids that included a rotation of kitchen cleanup.

– How this rotation kept the kids from associating food prep with drudgery.

– Details on our annual family challenges that had kids enjoying food prep and increasing their independence in the kitchen.

– Why we moms need to work hard at only offering praise to kids working in the kitchen and no negativity.

– Encouragement if you have some kids who never wind up enjoying food planning or meal prep

– Tips on getting a spouse to help out with dinner prep.

– Encouragement to see your spouse as complimentary (with an “i”… not complementary, with an “e”)

RESOURCES

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Where I get my cover crops, garden seeds, sprout garden and seeds, fermenting kits, and food storage lids for buckets and jars: https://soulyrested.com/seeds/

I mentioned an article about my 3 jobs. Find that here: https://soulyrested.com/2019/01/06/ho…

Dive into my free e-course on fresh flour: https://soulyrested.com/flour/

Check out https://soulyrested.com/coupons/ for current specials on many products I’ve mentioned in this season, especially my blender, dehydrator, and vacuum sealer that make real food so much more convenient.

CONNECT

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GET MORE FROM THIS EPISODE

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MORE RESOURCES

Find my book, Sweet Maple, all about delicious real food, here: https://amzn.to/2OiAqWI (on Amazon) or here: https://bookshop.org/a/5810/978149303... (the second link supports small businesses)

Find all episodes of the Simple Doesn’t Mean Easy Podcast at https://soulyrested.com/podcast/

To leave a review of this episode or the podcast in general, go to https://soulyrested.com/podcast/ and click “apple podcasts.”

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And remember, It’s easy to forget how blessed we are to live this life. So enjoy the simple, everyday efforts. It’s not easy, but it’s a good life.

The post Motivating Family to Help in the Kitchen, part 2 (S4, E 8) first appeared on Souly Rested.

Y’all know I don’t have Harvard Law degree, and you can probably make a safe assumption that I have no experience in family law, but I do have the credentials to explain the workings of a homeschool mindset. And you can bet your bottom dollar, as my daddy would’ve said, that I can give you an earful about how an average homeschool mindset lies in complete antithesis to the Harvard article’s premises. You see, this May will mark the end of a 20-year career for me (albeit one without any monetary compensation), one that I devoted to the elementary, middle school, and high school education of all four of my daughters. At home.

So if you will pardon my escape this week from my typical topics, next week we’ll return to our regularly scheduled program of good food and simple living. Today I have a soap box to climb up on and a wonderful privilege of parents everywhere to defend.

Pardon me while I grab my super-hero-homeschool-mom cape (aka my tattered blanket I’m cuddled up with on this cold gray day) and we’ll jump in.

If you’re more of an audio-kind-of person, I also just recorded a podcast episode on this very same topic. See episode 8 of the Simple Doesn’t Mean Easy podcast on your favorite podcast player, or find it right here, or just listen in below:

Why did I choose to homeschool?

I longed to give my daughters an education that went well beyond just learning facts, but that often left them hungry for more. In my own 16 years worth of education, I can’t recall one moment that left me hungry for more. Sure there were a few interesting teachers and a few decent classes (although truly not enough of either in my academic career that spanned public and private learning), but I never dug in deeper than I had to to earn the “A” I was seeking.

Even so, instilling a love for learning in my own daughters (that I never had until I started teaching them) wasn’t all I was striving for.

I longed for my daughters’ education to accomplish even more. I longed for it to uncover their unique talents and interests and then cater to those very areas, which I knew would be different in each girl.

The prospect left me exhausted. For two decades. But utterly blessed.

I’m never going to sugar coat it.

If you asked me my opinion of homeschooling, anywhere along my journey or even today? I’d respond without hesitation, and without any sugar coating, that homeschooling has been the most difficult, roller-coaster-ride of rewards I’ve ever experienced.

It has left me with black circles and bald spots, from what seemed like seasons full of incessant crying and pulling-out of hair. (I guess I should clarify I’m talking about my own hair, not my daughters, since, after all, a big focus of the Harvard Magazine article is on homeschool child abuse.)

But it sure has led to some great things.

While it has never been easy, homeschooling has created a family unit stronger than we would have known if I had not chosen this path. As I watch my daughters, as adults, living and planning fulfilling lives, I realize how short and yet how deep and rewarding the last twenty years have been. Professor Bartholet argues that attending a brick and mortar school “for six or seven hours a day… does not unduly limit parents’ influence.” I’ll overlook the fact that attending traditional schools takes up much more time than 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, when you add in the long bus rides and morning rituals required (instead of leisurely enjoying a warm breakfast together in pjs while studying your first subject or two all before the traditional school bell rings).

When I think of all the experiences I’ve enjoyed elbow-to-elbow with my daughters over the years that Ms. Bartholet’s “six or seven hours a day” would have made impossible I am deeply thankful that I had the choice to not only teach learn beside my children but to help them build profitable businesses in middle school, watch them build 125-pound robots for competition, encourage them to develop culinary skills beyond my own, work with them to raise and train animals, and help them take a fun interest and turn it into a philanthropic endeavor that blessed thousands of children in hospitals and refugee camps around the world. Sorry Harvard, but those skills are more valuable to them today–and make them more valuable members of our democracy–than 2 hours a day on a school-bus commute and seven hours a day in a brick and mortar building with peers would have been.

And homeschooling has developed each daughter into a stronger, wiser, more productive, and more compassionate woman than she would have been otherwise, each in distinctly different ways, because of course every child is distinctly different.

Why does a Harvard professor want to ban homeschooling?

In the latest edition of Harvard Magazine, Elizabeth Bartholet, a Harvard professor, is quoted as saying that she “sees risks for children—and society—in homeschooling, and recommends a presumptive ban on the practice.”

Erin O’Donnell’s article, based on Professor Bartholet’s recent paper she published in the Arizona Law Review, ironically, shows complete intolerance for a minority group arguing that one of the biggest flaws of this minority group is that it promotes bigotry. (Homeschoolers, the article itself explains, account for roughly 3 percent to 4 percent of school-age children in the United States.)

In the interest of being transparent, I will note that I was feeling intolerant toward Professor Bartholet when I finished reading the article. But if I’m really going for transparency, I’ll admit I was intolerant of her views right out of the batter’s box. The minute I read her words that homeschooling violates children’s right to a “meaningful education” I was ready to call “foul.”

And I might have called her a few foul adjectives. Maybe.

Even so, I decided to spend a few minutes getting to know her better, so I could maybe gain insight into the motive behind this article. After opening a few new tabs on my laptop and reading about Professor Bartholet’s legal career and her focus on defending children who truly deserve to be defended from horrible neglect and abuse, and after reading how she was personally deeply moved by the awful story of “Tara Westover, the daughter of Idaho survivalists who never sent their children to school. [“Homeschooled”] Westover…endured abuse by an older brother.” I wondered if maybe, just maybe, Ms. Bartholet truly thought her suggested ban on homeschooling was indeed in the best interest of a small, select group of children whom she genuinely thought could be saved from abuse by stricter regulations on homeschooling.

I saw more irony.

But as I read a little more, I couldn’t help but see more irony. Bartholet knows first-hand about our broken governmental childcare system. She herself has written about how a surprisingly high percentage of children with substantiated claims of abuse and neglect are victims of repeat maltreatment. She is well aware that the broken system knows about abuse and yet returns kids to these homes anyway. So I was at a loss as to why she would feel the public school system could be a legitimate check and balance system to somehow prevent an abusive parent from destroying a child’s life.

Bartholet also is in favor of international and domestic adoption, even though she is of course well aware that “religious people” make up the vast majority of those who are adoptive parents. So I couldn’t figure out why she would be so in favor of conservative adoptive parents but so suspicious of conservative homeschooling parents.

And, side note, religious beliefs are no longer even close to the #1 reason folks take their kids out of traditional education and begin homeschooling, but Ms. Bartholet seemed to think it was. More on why parents are choosing to homeschool below.

I saw no logic.

When I saw no true logic in Ms. O’Donnell’s article, I started wondering if it was possible that the liberal education establishment—of which ivy league schools are the pinnacle—is concerned what attitude parents will have when they come out the other see of the corona virus shutdown?

Is it possible that elite, expensive collegiate establishments are worried that parents may see the joy in educating their children themselves and suddenly decide to make their children’s education their own personal priority?

Are expensive colleges worried that parents may suddenly be willing to rearrange their priorities and, instead of always striving for more material gains to improve their child’s life, long to cut out all extraneous things… such as new clothes (and go thrifting instead), a new car (we run ours into the ground), and dinners out (the kids love homemade pizza and movie at home even more—and it costs just a few dollars)… to cut out the need for one parent’s income?

Are a few people at Harvard wondering if parents, after realizing the oh-so-hard but surprising joy of learning alongside their children during the corona-virus shutdown, will now make sacrifices so one parent can stay home with their children and take their education into their own hands?

If so, then, after being educational, homeschool “rebels,” those same families may—years from now—realize that striving for their child to attain ivy league status after high school graduation is not an ideal that is important to them.

Could Harvard be concerned that after years worth of financial sacrifices for family gain, a high-price-tag college degree may no longer look so impressive to families across the country?

It left me fuming. With a pen.

Of course, I can only wonder. I can try to guess, but cannot understand the basic premise behind Ms. Bartholet’s paper or Ms. O’Donnell’s article. The blatantly vicious, prejudiced attack on an extreme minority in our nation left me fuming.

Then I stumbled across some insight into the thoughts of admissions officers at three institutions, where they stated that they privately believe that homeschoolers are, overall, close-minded religious bigots. And I decided I wasn’t going to sit silent over here in my chilly old farmhouse kitchen on this cold April morning. So here I am, jumping into this debate, armed only with my two decade’s of insight into hundreds of homeschool families in the Mid-Atlantic and New England areas. And with my pen.

The main “risks for children—and society—in homeschooling”… the main arguments in favor of a “ban on the practice,” according to the Harvard Magazine article? Homeschooled children are deprived of a meaningful education, not encouraged to be productive members of our democracy, and not protected from potential abuse.

What defines a meaningful education? 

The Harvard professor argues that homeschooling deprives children of a “meaningful education.”

While the list of problems with this first argument is longer than I care to tackle here, I will point out a few.

First of all, Ms. Bartholet  has seemed to have forgotten that roughly two-thirds of American students are scoring below grade level in both reading and math by the time they enter high school. 

Also, I fail to understand how a one-on-one education, administered by a person who is truly invested in a child’s life, would not lead to, at a minimum, a somewhat meaningful education?

I assume Ms. Bartholet is picturing an abusive parent when she pictures homeschooling as meaningless effort, void of learning, but in reality the one that an average homeschooling mom truly “beats up on” is herself, always realizing there is some area of her child’s education that could be improved… always arguing (as her own worst critic) that at least one part of their child’s daily activities could be more meaningful. And often losing much sleep over trying to make it so. For every child in her care.

In the end, I would recommend that professionals such as the Harvard professor spend less time worrying about the children whose parents have taken on the responsibility for their educational well being, since, for the most part, those parents are doing enough worrying of their own, and instead, invest resources into improving the system, from the ground up, for those children whose parents simply don’t have any other option.

Who is adequate for the job? 

The professor goes on to point out that there are homeschooling parents who are not adequate for the job of educating a well-rounded child.

This actually should not be surprising since, according to a study done in 2018, more than one in five adults, products of our public educational system, are functionally illiterate, while another 28 percent read at a “very basic” level. That equates to roughly half the adult population of the United States. So indeed there are some homeschool parents—who are products of the public educational system—who are not academically gifted themselves. But if we encouraged these parents to not homeschool their children then the argument is, “You’re not qualified, so send your child into the system that created you, unqualified to teach your own child, so they too may one day be unqualified to teach their own.”

Even so, I’m going to backtrack here and say I actually agree with Ms. Bartholet. In fact, I’ll go one step further and argue that NO homeschool parent is adequate for the job of educating a well-rounded child. But, ironically, this very fact leads to the next rebuttal of yet another erroneous point of the Harvard Magazine article.

How do we raise up the future generation? 

The Harvard Magazine article argues that homeschoolers are not active, productive members of our democracy.

The assumption behind this argument is, of course, that a traditional educational system churns out students who are active, productive members of our democracy. But when a government has total control over what the youth are learning, and how they are learning it, isn’t it obvious that that can, potentially, lead to a totalitarian regime that recruits its supporters from youth and churns out cookie cutter citizens?

While, no, I am not adequate for the job of educating a well-rounded child, what naturally follows is indeed the makings of a wonderful democracy. You see, it’s too lofty and wonderful of a task to educate a child. It’s not a job that one person is able to do so single-handedly. In a dozen or so brief years, how can one instill great knowledge, as well as a passion for learning itself, and the abilities to do so freely, all life long, in a child?…. Not to mention the impossibility of the other tell-tale sign of a superior education–to help a pupil uncover his or her own passions and innate abilities and nurture them in ways totally unique to them…. no, there is no one up to the challenge, and everyone will fail at this roller-coaster, impossible ride known as educating a well-rounded child, Ms. Bartholet. You and I can agree on this.

But the story doesn’t end with a parent’s failures.

But the professor’s analysis would end there.

My personal experience confirms that the story—thank goodness!—does not end with my failures.

The story mushrooms and spills over, to draw in numerous mentors and experts into each child’s life, to fill those voids where I could never measure up. I sought out robotics teams, travel softball coaches, professional potters, experienced entrepreneurs, even website designers who wanted “in” for a brief season on this small window, through one child’s life, to leave a footprint and make a difference for everyone’s future.

Because we all know that is the way to change this country for the better. To raise up a future generation who is passionate about important things, and always eagerly learning and improving themselves and things around them. Since that is the ultimate goal of almost every homeschool parent I’ve ever worked with over the past two decades, I fail to see how on earth any standard, public education system could create more active, productive members who are contributing positively to our amazing democratic society. Yet Professor Bartholet argues that homeschoolers fail in these categories.

Sadly, on a different note, this interesting study points out that our public education system is failing our democracy in the area of civics studies. It turns out only 50% of Americans know how long the terms of representatives and senators are, not alone who has the power to declare war or what rights are guaranteed by the First Amendment of our Constitution.

Then there’s the argument about potential child abuse?

In the article, the argument is made that homeschooling “violates children’s right to … be protected from potential child abuse.”

After reading about Professor Bartholet’s legal background, I have to believe this argument against homeschooling was the one most concerning to her. I believe she has spent her adult life truly working to benefit children who are in need, and, if so, I respect that about her. Even so, I fail to see the logic behind her argument that banning homeschooling will in some way lessen child abuse.

Where is the real danger?

While I think the best way I can respond to this is with the study results I will explain below, my gut reaction the first time I read this argument was the fact that one of the leading reasons parents have decided to homeschool in recent years is they want to remove their child from danger they’ve been exposed to in the traditional education system: abuse in the form of bullying, as well as abuse at the hands of authority figures, rampant drug use, and violence.

In fact, a 2016 study by the National Center for Education Statistics shows that the #1 reason that parents choose homeschooling is their concerns about the dangers in the public education environment. 

How many parents would homeschool? If only…

So my gut reaction when Ms. Bartholet argued that banning homeschooling will decrease child abuse was to wonder how many beautiful children have parents who would gratefully and willingly sacrifice of themselves and do whatever necessary to give their child a different option—bring them home and teach them themselves—if they knew that their child was being verbally, or maybe even physically, abused by an authority figure at their school to the point that their child can no longer find any joy in their classes.

If they knew that their child was being bullied by their peers to the point of considering suicide….

If they knew that their child was considering starting down a horrible path of drug abuse because they were exhausted at trying desperately to feel excepted by their peers and figure just dabbling in drugs a few times and hanging with the cool kids could help them finally feel that they fit in…

And if they knew that homeschooling is a viable, legitimate option and that, as explained here, the home-educated typically score 15 to 30 percentile points above public-school students on standardized academic achievement tests….

Instead, articles like Erin O’Donnell’s convince parents to turn a blind eye to odd actions they notice in their child because, let’s be real, they logic, it’s not like homeschooling will ever give their child a profitable life. They’ve read articles about the fact that homeschooling just turns a child into a self-centered person with no true exposure to a wide variety of people and beliefs who isn’t a valuable member of society. And they don’t want that for their child.

If only there were more straightforward, unbiased articles like this one in USA Today explaining how, on average, home-schooled students routinely participate in eight social activities outside of the home, consume considerably less television than do traditionally-educated students, have higher self-esteem, and are less susceptible to peer pressure.

A ban would lead to more victims.

But thankfully there have been thousands of families who DID realize the abuse their child was facing in school, families who chose to homeschool because it was safer for their child. Imagine how a ban on homeschooling would literally force thousands of children back into an environment their parents had pulled them out of because of the very fact that they were being victimized there.

Increased regulations do not decrease abuse.

Now that I’ve told you my gut reaction to this argument, I’ll share with you the results of a study that Erin O’Donnell should have glanced at before she wrote her article for Harvard Magazine. In a detailed study on this very topic—examining children ages 6 through 17 over an 18-year period— the researchers found no statistical evidence that there is any relationship between the number of abused homeschool students and the degree of state control over homeschooling.

So states that have had no regulations over homeschools for the past two decades did not experience any higher occurrence of abuse among homeschoolers.

This leads to the natural conclusion that instead of reducing abuse, a ban on homeschooling would increase abuse.

But what do other college professors think about homeschoolers?

I have a writer friend who, after graduating her own children from homeschooling, decided to find some college professors willing to answer a few simple questions about homeschoolers. My friend was curious to know how college professors viewed an average homeschooler.

While Michelle’s efforts were far from scientific (she went to facebook and did some searches) and she only questioned 7 random professors who actually replied to her request, via Messenger, the responses were eye-opening for anyone wondering what kind of adults are the products of this 40-year “experiment” known as modern homeschooling. Here’s Michelle’s full article, and here are a few of those professors’ insights:

“I have been so impressed by my homeschool students that I pulled my son from public school. He started homeschooling in 7th grade.”

“My homeschool students are some of my ‘favorite’ students…I find them to be ready to learn in a way that I don’t see with public school students.”

“Generally speaking, I can tell if a student is a homeschool graduate by the middle of the semester, because he or she is serious about class, interactive in class, and does very well, especially on those things not explicitly covered in class. I wish I could fill my classes with homeschool graduates.”

But maybe the most telling of all the questions Michelle asked was when she asked these 7 randomly-chosen college professors what they saw as the biggest weakness of homeschooled children in college.

One explained that her biggest complaint about homeschooled students was the fact they they were always forgetting to put their names on their work. (Honestly. I couldn’t make this up.)

Another one’s biggest gripe was that homeschoolers don’t know how to properly format a bibliography in MLA or APA style. (Not a skill I have found I needed once in my adult life, although maybe it would have come in handy with this article.)

But the best answer rang loud and true in my heart. In fact, just hours after I read this professor’s comment that I’ll share in a minute, I got a text from my eldest. She sent a photo of her new knitting project. I asked if if she was having trouble matching up her rows because it kinda looked like the knitting was a little crooked, and I knew this was her first-ever attempt at knitting a sweater, not alone one so intricately cabled.

“Oh, no, trust me mom, it’s perfect! It just wasn’t laid out perfectly straight on the couch when I took that picture.”

The perfection syndrome

The problem this professor explained that he saw so often in homeschoolers? “A perfection syndrome. Homeschool graduates are less likely to understand that there is an appropriate trade-off between efficiency and 100% accuracy. They tend to work on assignments too long in order to make them perfect.”

Yep. I can absolutely relate to what this professor had experienced as well.

Learning without a teacher?

So I can only speculate what the Harvard professor’s motives are when she calls for a ban on homeschooling and tell you, with all sincerity, that her logic is flawed when I compare it to my own two decades of experience with homeschooling children and parents from the Mid-Atlantic area through New England.

I can’t help but wonder if it could be that the biggest fault the traditional educational system finds in homeschooling is what the professor who described the perfection syndrome stated as his last comment on Michelle’s questionnaire:

“The greatest strength of homeschool graduates is their ability to learn without a teacher.”

More homeschool-related posts:

Help your child be an entrepreneur

Nine perfect things for a family to do together

Study nature with a child & create a family Backyard Book

How a homeschooler does a graduation party

Why I only have 2 goals for my daughters’ education

And here are some other links that might interest you:

Four questions successful parents ask themselves often

Twelve reasons to take your daughter to the fair

How my children succeed, even though I’m a failure

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4

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First, a little bit about the gal behind the party… (Scroll to the list below if you just want the quick tips.)

Kayla is my third of four daughters. She’s my full-blown Ag Girl who could work circles around most adults and grow a garden, preserve veggies, bake sourdough bread, and milk a cow better than anyone I know.

From Homeschool to CNN

She had finished up 18 years of homeschooling… well, officially 13, but from the day she was born she was a part of her big sisters’ learning experiences and loved every minute of it. She was reading at a second-grade reading level at the age of 4. I know the date exactly when she finished her reading curriculum. May 20th of her 4th year. (She set a goal for completing her reading program before her sister’s May 21st birthday.) She would turn 5 that September. That summer she even read a simple story in front of dozens of adults at the library summer reading program.

Within a few years she was reading novels like Lassie Come Home. Then at 9 the girl started her successful business (she was even written up in CNN Business! You can find that link to her write up right here, if you’re interested). She had a dozen monthly customers and 3 retail locations. I kid you not, this lady has always been driven and self-motivated.

Gardening, Baking, Tapping & Programming

So it was no surprise when we moved to our rural New England farmhouse that she asked me to help her turn over a huge garden, preserved her harvest, learned to cook over the open fire and in the beehive oven, joined in on learning to tap trees and make maple syrup, and helped us set up a homestead, complete with her sweet dairy cows. When her heifer, Selah, was born, well that was Kayla’s best day ever.

Read about Kayla’s first Strawberry Pie and snag her recipe here.

Read about Selah, our sweet heifer right here.

In 10th grade this beautiful lady coached a robotics team using this mindstorm robot (affiliate link)–was named an FLL robotics coach of the year–and discovered she also loved politics (well, it is a love/hate relationship, for sure).

But she also discovered another endeavor that she set her mind to wholeheartedly. While running a homestead (she’s always been the manager, Bill, Hayley, and I were the hired hands that worked for free), she decided to earn college credits in her final 3 years of homeschooling high school. She met with college professors, via online classrooms, and completed the work for an Associate’s Degree.

Keeping it Simple

So last night we had a party. To celebrate this amazing lady and her two degrees. Yet, for all her passions and hard work, she’s a simple lady at her core and wanted the party to be simple.

I didn’t mind this task–pulling together an impromptu, simple Graduation Party–given that her older sister is getting married just 6 short days from now. So here’s how we pulled off an amazingly fun night honoring this driven, determined lady in style, yet kept it as simple as can be.

5 Tips for A Simple Graduation Party

1. Keep the invitations simple

No need to invite a whole class of acquaintances; invite those people closest to the graduate (hint: this is often not all peers).

2. Use the food as decorations

I grabbed some sweets that described Kayla and labeled them as such, for a “Sweet Ode” to my sweet lady and set it all up on the front porch table, to greet guests as they arrived.

3. Add a few things that are meaningful to the graduate

For me, this was super easy, I snagged some of the quotes and verses that Kayla has made for her room decorations over the years, and hung the clipboards around the candy table.

4. Stick with something easy for you, if you want to serve something homemade

Kayla, her sister and I love DIY kombucha. I make 4 gallons a week; this week I just made sure to make a nice variety (these teas, blended just for kombucha, made it super easy) and we shared with our guests.

And yes, I did say 4 gallons. You’ll never believe how cheap it is to make this amazing DIY carbonated drink. I broke down the costs right here.

btw, if you’d like to know about this amazingly good-for-your very simple carbonated drink you can make yourself, you’ll love to know about my mini crash course, Simple DIY Kombucha.

5. Make the activities as simple and true-to-the-graduate as possible 

For Kayla, that meant a bonfire, croquet, and root beer floats. Three things she loves that we could pull off without a minute’s notice.

If you look at the world, you will be distressed, if you look within, you will be depressed,

if you look at God, you will be at rest. Corrie ten Boom

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Find out why SoulyRested was considered to be one of the Top 20 Must-Read Homesteading Blogs of 2018 and then one of the Top Homesteading Blogs of 2019 as well.

Glance at my Resource Page if you’d like to get a glimpse of supplies I use for DIY kombucha, maple syrup making, gardening, homeschooling, homesteading topics, nature journaling, and more.

Many readers often ask what camera I use to take the images you find here on SoulyRested. I love my Nikon; you can read more about my camera and even purchase your own here.

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And please follow along!

And have you tried my a-MAAHZ-ing Maple Sugar Cookie recipe that’s in my Resource Library? You won’t find this deliciousness anywhere else… until Sweet Maple is in print this fall.

The post 5 Tips for the Easiest Graduation Party Ever first appeared on Souly Rested.

This Mother’s Day? I’m writing an open letter to my mother-in-law…

If you’d rather listen in than read, I just recorded the audio version of this post in the Simple Doesn’t Mean Easy podcast.

It’s never easy, even for someone for whom written words come rather easy, to decide what to declare in a letter of love. Poets resort to metaphors and fancy phrases, but no matter how elegant the words are or how beautifully they are made to dance on the page, they always, always fall short.

Summing up 25 years of gratitude

Simple ink-printed shapes placed together and strung across a thin, white canvas can not express 25 years of deep gratitude.

Especially not when that gratitude is woven so intricately into years of moments. Moments that I’ve realized how passionately I love my husband without even pausing to be thankful for your hand in who he is.

A few small lessons that are immeasurable

So on this Mother’s Day I thought I’d list just a few things you did as his mom for which I am immeasurably thankful:

Thank you for teaching him to grip a pencil, hold a glue bottle, and tie his shoes. Today he can use his big burly hands to do such gentle, intricate things.

Thank you for letting him take apart appliances just to learn how they work. Today his ability to understand how things work has repaired more home deficits and replaced more water heaters, dishwashers, and electrical wires than I can count. Those abilities have been the core reason I could afford to stay home with our children over the past two decades, knowing he could keep our home in good repair for little cost.

Thank you for showing him the value of “mom.” Today he values the time I invest in that meager role that he appreciates as heavenly-appointed.

Thank you for nudging him out of bed when his teenager’s alarm would not suffice. Today he hits the floor as the sun is rising. Although his bones are much older and his muscles sometimes ache, he is joyfully eager to provide another day’s income to cover the necessities that his family needs.

Thank you for encouraging him, that sweet baby boy, with penetrating eyes, to be inquisitive and to laugh a deep, meaningful laugh that widens his cheek bones and crinkles his eyes. Today that laugh and those penetrating crinkled eyes are a source of deep joy for me every single day, even the days—no, especially the—that are littered with sorrows.

All of the lessons you taught him and endearing traits you encouraged in him have made each of my married days more meaningful, more valuable, more blessed.

A heavy burden that we are thankful for

Yet who would have imagined, oh so many decades ago, when you held his sleepy, crying form in the deep dark of the night, or encouraged his chubby toddler hands to learn new skills across the table from you, or supported him as a young man who was taking on intimidating challenges apart form you, that you were creating a heavy burden for your future granddaughters?

Yes, each of our daughters has seen an almost impossible standard set before them, all their lives, of a Godly, talented, bold man who leads our family with quiet strength—thanks to your hard work many decades ago.

A standard that they expect their future spouses to meet.

It is a burden for which we are all very thankful.

So, here I sit wondering what gift I can order for my Mother-in-Law for Mother’s Day. I shared my little DIY project on a facebook live last week and many of you reached out, asking questions… so you got me thinking…

A little planter like the one I put together would make a perfect Mother’s Day present.

Needless to say, you can’t easily find a 70-year-old beat-up enamel pan to use as a planter, and I’d argue it might not be the best gift if you did… so I went looking for a different solution as a Mother’s Day gift and found this combination that my mother-in-law might love.

Since she’s as fanatic about tea as I am, I might order her this tea cup planter and some beautiful “blue” succulents to fill it with. Then, since blue is her favorite color and since I love love love sea glass (did I mention I love sea glass?), it was easy to decide what I’ll order to use around the plants as “mulch.” Blue sea glass. What’dya think? (Sshhhh don’t tell my awesome mother-in-law. I’ll share this post with her after Mother’s Day.)

Photo Credits: Mountain Crest Gardens

But I’m having trouble deciding, because I know she’d also love the moss-covered watering can planter and the kit to build a terrarium with her succulents. Then there’s the ADORABLE build-a-fairy-garden kit (and so many adorable mini accessories to choose from) that she would love assembling with a granddaughter.

Then of course I may change my mind about which succulents to order… since there are 650 different varieties. (Hello! That’s too many!)

This is seriously an indecisive girl’s nightmare!

What’s your favorite? No seriously, please tell me.

Thankfully I have a few weeks still to make up my mind. This amazing company somehow gets their plants from California to my little farmhouse porch in 2 days flat. AND shipping is free (if I’m spending $75 or more).

Read here about the 6 reasons I’ve decided succulents are the best plants ever.

Full disclosure here: Mountain Crest Gardens will give me a tiny commission if you decide to order from them, but I would be telling you about them even if they didn’t very sweetly offer me an affiliate connection to them. Seriously, I love this company, their products, and their customer service.

Now leave a comment below and help me choose the best succulent gift idea. (Please?) I’m not kidding folks. The abundance of choices is not a good combination with my abundance of indecisiveness today.

UPDATE: I finally chose! See what I ordered, and watch me unbox and plant it (and learn about how to pot and care for your succulents) in this little video, over on my youtube channel.–>

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. – Deuteronomy 4:9

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The post A few things you forgot to tell your mother-in-law on Mother’s Day first appeared on Souly Rested.

It’s just hard for me not to long for warm garden dirt under my nails; tall grass rippling in the sun; sweet new life chirping and mooing around me on the farm; a beautiful morning swim in the lake; and a juicy, fresh tomato sandwich for lunch. You know the kind. Perfectly toasted homemade bread. Generous amounts of butter. A deep red slice of tomato that is so wonderfully large it overflows the edges of the bread.

But it’s February. In New England. So I need to have a 4:8 Attitude and enjoy another few months of winter.

9 Great Things To Do on a Long Winter’s Evening

I decided this evening I will enjoy the toasty fire and make a list of all the wonderful things I need to try to make sure I do with the little bits of winter that remain. So here’s my list, in no particular order. Well, except #1 is my favorite endeavor ever. Any season.

1. write.

So yeah, writing is of course the first thing a writer thinks about. But I’m not talking about necessarily writing a novel. Take the long hours of winter evenings to write a letter to someone who would appreciate your handwritten thoughts, maybe an elderly relative or a friend of a friend who is serving in the military. Or consider journaling.

Carve out your own spot, with a good wintery view, or a warm fire nearby, and start documenting details about:

. . .  milestones you, a child, or your spouse encountered recently,

. . . dreams of what you’d like to accomplish in the seasons ahead,

. . . favorite recipes, finally getting them organized in a binder that you can keep in reach in the kitchen.

. . . memories of your last year or memories of your childhood–either way, someday your children will love to know.

2. craft.

Knit, sew, braid a rug? It so happens that I have 4 daughters who love to do one or all of these things, but I’m, well, let’s say a little “challenged” in those areas. But I love sitting down and dwindling away a few hours with a few daughters in front of a table full of art supplies.

Even if you’re craft-challenged, like I am, you too may love making mini art with a child–check out these mini Artist Trading Cards my daughters and I enjoy making together.

What better time than the long chilly nights of winter to cuddle up with a child or spouse and learn a new skill?

What better way to get inspired for spring than to start planning Easter crafts? Read here about our family’s favorite Easter traditions. Or check out these amazing all-natural egg dyes. Or just hop on over (see what I did there?) to my Easter board on pinterest.

Or just use the long evenings to make something beautiful, like the all-recycled-denim blanket my daughters pieced together from scraps of denim in my fabric box I keep tucked away in the barn attic for just such a time as a long, cold, dull week of winter..

Consider taking on a long-term project that you can put away when springtime arrives, bringing more busyness with it. Then revisit your craft project and pull it out when chilly autumn evenings find you with more time on your hands once again.

3. read.

Whittle away an hour on a dark winter evening tucked under cozy blankets with your child and a great book between you. Or commit with your spouse that one or two nights a week will be reading night and you’ll sit close, each with your favorite current read in hand. If another family member is in on the plan, you’re more likely to make sure you make time for reading just for fun, you know instead of washing the dishes or cleaning out the fridge, or any of those silly things that we sometimes decide to do instead of just sitting and relaxing.

I would never require a child who was still getting good at reading to do any of the winter-evening-family-time reading. No, it was all sheer enjoyment of being lost in a great classic, with mom doing all the “work.” I was also shocked at how well a small toddler could follow along on a rather complicated story. And an amazing bonus I learned early on was that after I finished reading a classic to them, that would have been totally impossible for them to “get into” on their own, they almost always wound up revisiting it and reading it totally independently. What a fabulous way to teach your child to appreciate well-written, somewhat difficult books at an early age and foster a life-long joy of reading great literature.

DISCLOSURE: This post contains affiliate links. 

I asked my daughters what were their favorites that I read to them over the years. They all agreed on these:

The Hobbit, Anne of Green Gables, The Chronicles of Narnia (especially The Magicians Nephew), The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, Johnny Tremain, Witch of Blackbird Pond (I know, if you don’t know of this classic, you may think it doesn’t sound appropriate for little ones, but trust me, it’s not at all what the title leads you to believe and all ages will love this story), and Little Women. Ironically the last one of the list was always my daughters’ favorite, even before they realized that we are the real-life Marsh family, even down to my second daughter named “Jo” and our attic with a dress up trunk. (Truth, I have a sweet friend who every once in a while calls me “Marmee.”)

But then one daughter chimed in that I really should tell you their favorites when they were learning to read to me as well:

Or maybe you’d like to sit down with a good back-to-basics-living blog to scour on a cold, dark evening? I like reading The Prairie Homestead, The Elliot Homestead, Reformation Acres, Oakhill Homestead, Melissa K Norris, and, for insight to an urban homestead, you’d like Weed Em and Reap.

And, of course there’s always Pinterest for making handy boards of all your homesteading topics you want to read more about later. (Here’s a link to my boards if you wanna snoop.)

I’ve never lied, our family’s efforts to live a more “simple life” are never simple. I’ve said time and again that simple joys require hard work. It turns out some of the harsh realities and hard work of winter are part of the hardships I share honestly in my posts about  the two reasons you may decide to never own a homestead.

4. tap.

Mind you, it still gets dark very early in February in these parts, so you have to have taps in by 5 p.m. or carry a good floodlight with you.

But you may be surprised to know that you do NOT have to live in Canada or New England to successfully make delicious maple syrup. You don’t even have to have a sugar maple in your backyard. In fact, you can tap any one of these 30 different varieties of trees! And as long as you have a few days that the temperature is above 40 in the day and freezing at night, or if you learn to watch for any drastic change in weather fronts, you CAN make syrup.

Go here for more information about knowing the right time to tap your trees.

If you’d rather just make some amazing maple sugar in your kitchen (absolutely NO tapping required) check out this course, Making Maple Sugar, to learn all you need to know to become an expert this winter.

5. build.

While you’re waiting on the sap to run, a long winter evening is the perfect time to build a Reverse Osmosis (RO) filter and save hundreds of dollars on your backyard syrup production this winter. You can read all about our experience in this post: One Tip that Will Save You Hundreds on Your DIY Maple Syrup. 

Everything you need to know to build this awesome money-saving devise is right here. To make it easy for you to save hundreds of dollars on making maple syrup this year, I’ve compiled a complete list of all the items we purchased to make our RO filter and included my artistic husband’s set of directions (yeah, I’m joking about the artist thing). Just click right here if you’d like the full scoop.–>

Or, if you have no desire to tap a tree (yeah, I do forget sometimes that not everyone is a maple fanatic), why not build a robot with a child? I’m serious. Amazing Mindstorms kits (see below) make it possible for even a young child to assemble and program a robot, made of legos, to move, turn, pick up things, and even say something. Our family has seriously had life-changing experiences thanks to building robots. Seriously. I explain in this post. 

6. ferment.

Yep. What better time to enjoy a glorious bottle of fruity fermented kombucha than on a dark winter’s night when summer seems oh-so-far-away… If you’re new to brewing kombucha, check out this post about how to get started making kombucha.

Dive into my FREE detailed e-course about making kombucha right here.

I love cleaning our wool rugs this time of year. Read my post on the topic and check out my youtube video for the full scoop.

7. plan.

Put your dreams of next summer’s garden on paper, diagraming where you want to plant each item.

Make records of what you canned last fall and even jots down details about how to can. (I know I sure would have treasured them if my mom ever documented that kind of information for my daughters and I to use some day.)

Gather some great seedling containers and get your seeds started. Play in dirt Yay! Finally! Even if it is bags of dirt I bought at Agway and plopped on my barn floor–since there’s a foot of snow everywhere outside–this feels good.

Try some one of these 6 Ingenious Seedling Planters I shared last year.

8. watch.

Winter is the perfect time to sit back and binge watch some great shows. Did you know Amazon Prime members have access to tons of videos, movies, and shows? Check it out for free for a whole month and find some great things to binge watch! (affiliate link)

9. listen.

Catching up on podcasts is a great way to spend a long winter’s evening. I’d love to have you join me over on my podcast: SImple Doesn’t Mean Easy.

Of course you could also enjoy a great book, on audio too.

| | | |

You can even try a great audio book on Amazon for free! Read about how you can enjoy a 30-day free trial here with this link; plus Try Audible and Get Two Free Audiobooks)

But most importantly. . . enjoy.

However you choose to spend a long winter evening, have a 4:8 Attitude. Enjoy a warm fire. Enjoy the still, quiet beauty of winter, because soon enough Spring will dance in through open windows and beckon you to join her under a blue-sky canopy of promising days. I promise. But for now, while Spring is quietly gaining strength you can do the same. Strength in waiting, relaxing, crafting, reading, and planning for that sweet day, one day soon, when you join in the jubilation that Spring will bring.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart. Ecclesiastes 3:11a

Find out why SoulyRested was considered to be one of the Top 20 Must-Read Homesteading Blogs of 2018 and then one of the Top Homesteading Blogs of 2021 as well.

Glance at my Resource Page if you’d like to get a glimpse of all the supplies I use and recommend for everything from gardening, to homeschooling, to chicken care, to nature journaling, to maple syrup making.

 

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I spent many hours shedding puffy-eyed tears while Jordyn suffered through intense pain this week that I can’t take away.

I realize we all face days sometimes that are filled with tears. But I’ve had a week full of those days. I’m exhausted. I’m prayed out. Prayers that were detailed and descriptive and full of scripture on Monday degenerated to weak silent moans on Friday. But through it all, there was beauty in the sorrow.

Today after pulling into the drive after long hours in the car, after medical tests and doctors visits, and after more questions with only glimmers of peace in the answers, I walked down to the garden.

I stood in amazement at its beauty, its greenness, its prosperousness, when just a dozen weeks ago it was hard, brown, lifeless, rocky dirt.

But it wasn’t hopeless back in April. It was cold, lifeless, and barren, but it held promise. Promise  sewn in rows and watered with love. Beauty in the sorrow.

The baby chicks joined me near the garden fence, longing for their daily Japanese beetle treat that they’ve learned I will pick off of bean vines for them. I felt so blessed to have them after our devastating homesteading lesson last month. Seven chicks that we raised, after hatching them in our incubator, all died in one brief span of minutes. Chicks we held, fed, and cared for. For two months. Gone. In minutes.

But our newest little ones are prospering. Their mother cared for them under her wings. Taught them life skills. And today they’re bringing me joy. Next spring they’ll offer us nourishing eggs as well. Beauty in the sorrow.

{{Editor’s Note: One summer’s day when I wrote this post, I was only thinking about the eggs these two young hens would offer me. Now, just a few seasons later, I can tell you that Eagle, the white-headed chick in the background, offered me so much more. She offered me a beautiful allegory the following spring, which I explain here. It was a week when I needed the precious reminder that Eagle provided. It was the spring after I lost Mom to cancer, lost Dad suddenly just one month after Mom, and sat by Jordyn’s side for a spinal fusion surgery. Her surgery would finally end her 18 months of chronic pain that brought me such worry when I first wrote this post. But a new battle would begin for her, with post-surgical neurological pain.}}

This week, in the midst of seemingly pointless appointments that offered no solution to my daughter’s pain and no end to my puffy-eyed tears, there was Susan. Susan wasn’t a medical professional, but an advocate behind the office desk. Susan noticed my puffy eyes. She realized that my daughter was in pain. She personally took care of paperwork, double-booked appointments, ordered lab work, oversaw referrals, and offered my daughter and I hope. Beauty in the sorrow.

The small, seemingly insignificant joys of my prosperous garden, my young chicks, and a caring stranger buoyed me in the sorrow of this week.

Like my April garden, my hard, unpromising days of this week were sewn with promise. Promise of growth to come.

Through the remembrance of sweet chicks tucked under a momma’s wing…

God reminded me that the psalmist asked God to “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.” There, under His wings when things get scary, He teaches me life skills. He teaches me to rely on Him; no skill is more important. 

Through Susan, God planted an advocate in a difficult situation, and her caring actions watered God’s promises by putting a face to hope.

Then God comforted me with His word. He offered me these words of hope to cling to this week:

First, the beautiful thought of his voice–how soothing and melodious it must be–singing over me.

The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Then the reminder that His love is perfect. (He started gently teaching me this lesson back in April, back when the garden ground was still cold and hard and when I got the call from my mom telling me she has cancer.) His love is so perfect it can cast my fear far from me, if I will only allow myself to truly focus on His love instead of my circumstances.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. I John 4:18

He assured me He will reveal His strength through me.

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. 2 Chronicles 16:9

And He reminded me that none of my daughter’s pain, and not one of my tears, will be wasted. Like my chicks who are learning dependance under their momma’s wing so they can offer us nourishment in the future, I too will have something to offer others.

[He is] the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Thank you Lord for showing me beauty in the sorrow this week.

Medical tests aren’t over, and doctor appointments will fill yet another week. College is beckoning her, my second to venture out of the nest and into the excitement of higher academia. But pain is deterring her. So we will make a trip into Boston Children’s Hospital and hope for another Susan behind another desk. We will cling to his promises.

And we will ask Him to show us beauty in the sorrow.

For more about how hope showed herself where I was least expecting her the following week, read more here.

I share another update here, after watching my daughter go through 18 months of chronic pain and visiting 10 specialists with her, I’m blindsided with joy. Still brittle, but joyful.

Then this post explains what we had to celebrate years later and exactly how we celebrated.

Do you have a specific verse that is comforting you today? Please share in the comments below.

I’d love to connect!

To find me in some other neck of the woods, just click any (or every!) icon below:

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Many readers often ask what camera I use to take the images you find here on SoulyRested. I love my Nikon; you can read more about my camera and even purchase your own here.

Please take a second to follow along here on SoulyRested to catch up on a few of my memorable mishaps, enjoy musings about my centuries-old farmhouse, or glean a little parenting/homeschooling insight from this
momma who’s been failing at the effort for almost 2 decades. I hope my focus always helps you Keep it Simple while being Souly Rested on Christ.

And once you follow along, you will have immediate access to my subscriber library of resources to encourage you, including a list of verses that gave me great comfort when I was grieving the loss of both parents. I’m still trying to figure out how to walk through grief and sadness in a way that I stay focused–SoulyRested–on Christ and encourage others in the process. I truly hope along the way I can be a blessing to you.

Thanks for joining me for a moment today on this journey.

v v v v v v v v v v v v v

The post Beauty in the Sorrow (verses when your child is sick) first appeared on Souly Rested.

Our muddy boots directed shovel blades to cut thin strips of sod. My dirt-under-my-nails hands grasped the wooden handle as the rain drizzled from the ominous gray sky. The year’s first autumn chill had blown in with the rain shower, and she and I were racing against the calendar. We were intent on turning over a plot of land to have it prepared for next spring’s garden. She, so she could transplant baby plants into the May soil, plants that she would grow from seeds and nurture inside through the cold days of winter. Me, so I could tackle a project with my teen. She was thinking about salads and salsa of next summer. I was thinking about how parents and teenagers simply don’t spend enough time together. I was thinking about her and the seasons of our relationship that still lie ahead. I prayed it would remain strong and grow.

That was last fall, and today I stand amazed at what we have cultivated.

Physically, with a bounty that has blessed our kitchen and our pantry, but also relationally, with a common bond that we will treasure long after the last canned vegetable of summer becomes part of winter’s meal.

Anytime she asks for my help with a new project I say “yes.” Even if the whining voice in my head cries that I have more important things too do, even if I hate the sound of whatever she is planning, even if I am ill-equipped for the task she’s undertaking, I say “yes.”

Maybe I’m quick to acquiesce because this daughter who had me peeling up a garden, strip by strip, last autumn is not the first daughter I have assisted with a scheme. She has two older sisters who have coaxed me into my share of out-of-my-comfort-zone projects. Our projects had us–parents and teenagers–working elbow-to-elbow and included everything from sewing machines to creepy insects; from power tools to even robots. And along the way, I’ve discovered many reasons why I want to tackle every project I can with my teens.

Alicia, at Your Vibrant Family, asked me to share my thoughts on her blog today. This is a topic that’s been near and dear to my heart for many years, and when Alicia asked me to write about it, I narrowed it down to 5 Reasons Parents and Teenagers Should Tackle a Project Together. Please take a peek at the 5 reasons and let me know what you think!

And the next time the parents and teenagers in your house throw around ideas about a project they may want to tackle, don’t hesitate. Whether it’s a BHAG (Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal) or a simple, almost crazy idea, wholeheartedly invest some time, point out their talents and passions as you work, enjoy the conversations that will surely ensue,  and revel in what you both learn and all that you cultivate.

Stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. I Corinthians 15:58

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Encouraging a passion for philanthropy in your children is not for the weak-at-heart, minimal-time-to-invest parent. But I’ll admit, maybe it was so arduous for me to inspire philanthropy because it never came naturally for me. This idea of working hard so you can help others was not one I ever considered much. As a teen, I had no interest in working hard, but when I did work, it was most certainly for ME.

So as a mom, from the time they were toddlers, I was eager to cultivate a different mindset in my children. Asking them to look outside of themselves and see needs in others, then, at least once in a while, consider how they can help fill that need. I’m not talking about delivering meals to third world countries; it started tiny, with simple acts.

Simple Acts of Philanthropy for a Child 

…sharing sidewalk chalk with neighbor friends, even when the chalk was almost gone.

…making a thoughtful gift out of something simple. For us, it’s often picking a bouquet of wildflowers that creep along our old stone wall in our back field, wrapping a ribbon around them, and taking them to someone who could use a smile.

…spending an hour doing chores for an elderly friend who’s recovering from surgery.

…stopping by the nursing home with a game in hand to play with someone who looks lonely.

…taking a cute visitor, like a baby bunny from the farm, to visit a neighbor who would like some company.

…baking bread and taking it to a new mom.

They were all pretty little things, but they were hard for me. Hard to think of. Hard to find the hour or two in a busy day to do them. But never hard to convince my toddlers or elementary children that we should do them. (Okay, except for the sidewalk-chalk sharing. That was hard when they were toddlers.)

So it was natural for my daughter to think of a way one small idea might be able to help other kids. But when she came up with this idea that just might, maybe, someday help kids with cancer in some tiny, round-about way, I almost ignored it. (It seemed rather silly, after all.) If I had known how many long days, for how many years, she and her sisters would work on her idea and still now, three years later, not see it reach fruition, well, I’m sure I would have ignored her.

But instead, seeing a glimmer of a way to encourage philanthropy in my then 9-year-old, I jumped on board. I encouraged. I helped her email and call some people who may be able to help her. I took her to day camp in Philadelphia that encouraged the entrepreneur side of her endeavor. I drove her and her sisters many days, and evenings, into the city to meet with professionals who wanted to help. (If you knew how the back of my neck swells in hives and my eyes start to well up with tears at the mere thought of parallel parking, you’d understand how difficult city meetings were for me.)

I invested time, and I cheered them on. That’s really all I did. I can’t take credit for what blossomed from one 9-year-old’s small idea about even smaller Artist Trading Cards, but boy I’m glad I’m along for the ride.

If you would like to know more about her idea, she’d love for you to check out her work in progress: follow along on Facebook or read more here.

Also, just for fun, she hosts an on-line ATC Summer Trade. I highly recommend you check it out with a child this summer!

Encouraging Philanthropy to Come Naturally 

I’m no expert–like I said, philanthropy is not a mindset that ever comes naturally to me–but here’s a few things I’ve learned the last 20 years of trying hard to make sure it WAS a mindset that came naturally to my daughters…

…Notice even tiny opportunities to help your children look outside of themselves and think of small ways to help someone else. If they participate in the Artist Trading Card trade, they could make a few extra ATCs to mail or give to someone who would like a gift of art.

…Devote time to it. Write in on your calendar if you need to. “Call Mrs. Gray and ask what yard work we can do today” on next Tuesday. Or “Make cookies for Mr. James” on Thursday. Or “Ask Sally to make sidewalk art with us” on Saturday.

…Listen closely to even silly little ideas your young one comes up with and help them decide if they can use their idea to help someone else or to bring joy to someone else’s day.

…Offer help. Assure your child, with your genuine interest, that you will put in more time, over the long haul. Don’t let them easily give up on their idea. They will need a cheerleader and encourager when they realize their idea will take patience and effort.

…Keep listening when they’re teens, and keep investing time into their efforts. If you’ve been investing time over the years, and encouraging a passion for philanthropy since they were “knee high to a grasshopper” (as my father would say), even as teens they will continue to think outside of themselves. They’ll listen when you point out a little idea of theirs that could make a big impact in others’ lives.

 DISCLOSURE: This post contains affiliate links. 

“Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38

“Dearest Lord, teach me to be generous… to give and not to count the cost.” — Ignatius of Loyola (1491-1556)

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” — Anne Frank (1929-45)

 

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Some days I wake up in a state of panic before my bare toes make contact with the cool pine floor. As a homeschool mom, I’m overwhelmed by the burdens of somehow being it all, doing it all, and making sure they learn it all. But I’m so very inadequate. So, well, crooked. I’m never going to be great at all 259 goals I try to set in my mind every night.

So I decided long ago that I would try to focus less on my numerous, “little” goals and more on a few big goals. Our BHAGs. Big Hairy Audacious Goals. Each girl often has one or two BHAGs that are ongoing, or even on the back burner. They’re huge goals that may take years to attain, but we pluck away at them, one tiny day and one minuscule step at a time. They might be tangible. Like braiding a rug. (A multiple-year project that each girl has taken on over the years.)

Making a quilt. (A four-year project for all four girls). Building a blog following. (The  blogger has an active group of followers reading about her homeschool mishaps and life adventures on our rocky New England homestead). Training a dog. Learning to raise livestock. (So far, the young homesteader owns chicken, ducks, rabbits, and a cow.)

Or their big goals might be intangible, without an instruction manual. Like an idea they’ve been working on for many years about encouraging children in hospitals to create art as a therapeutic outlet. And then there’s one daughter’s passion since the age of nine to one day help others, therapeutically, through animals. (Almost six years later, she has learned to ride horses beautifully and earned enough money to buy fencing and make barn repairs to set up a homestead-worth of animals.)

As a homeschool mom, I have two BHAGs. Educational goals for my child. Goals we’ve been working on for more than a decade and a half. The foundations of our homeschool. Why I homeschool. My BHAGs?

1. To instill in my daughters a LOVE OF LEARNING, and

2. To always strive to PLACE GOD AT THE CENTER of our days.

So when I wake up flooded with panic… with never-ending mental lists of 10,000 ways I’m failing… or 1,000 things I need to make sure we accomplish this month… I try to remind myself to shove each “thing” under one of those two BHAGs. And if that “thing” doesn’t get done well, at least I can focus on the BHAGs. At the end of the day, or at the end of 13 years of formal education, my educational goals for my child can be simple. If my daughters enjoy learning and place God at the center of every category of their lives, then how can I call myself a “failure?”

Thank goodness God draws straight lines with crooked sticks. My self-inflicted discouragement and my lists of thousands of details at which I will ultimately always fail… those are the bends in my bark. The things that make me a crooked stick. Yet God can miraculously use me, crooked and all, to draw two beautifully straight lines throughout my days, pointing my daughters toward love for learning and a desire to have Him at the center of all they do.

They, too, are crooked sticks who fail at these two goals every day as well. But God is so good, and despite our crookedness, He has continually brought us back to these two BHAGs again and again over the last 15 years. As a result, I have four daughters who truly love to learn–especially about things they are passionate about, thanks to their own BHAGs–and who strive to take Col. 3:23 to heart, rewording it for their situation… “Whether they eat, or drink, or play softball, or do farm chores, or learn about invertebrate, or add fractions, or write an essay… they do it all for the glory of God.”

Mind you, we have our share of temper tantrums, and we most definitely have our share of whining (some days even the kids whine!), but at some point, we always come back to our BHAGs. If we hate learning this topic, we’ll find another way to work through it. (Or, we may even put that topic away for a month or two.) We stop whining and remind ourselves of our blessings, even the simple ones: the sunshine tumbling through the window or the warm grass scratching at our feet. We put away whatever we’re complaining about, enjoy the sun and grass, then ask God to help us be thankful for the day He has given us and the challenge He has placed before us and to help us do it well, with thankfulness.

One treasured part of our homeschooling journey has always been nature study. Take a second to subscribe here and snag a free copy of my book, 5 Things You Should Know About Nature Study, in my Resource Library.

No, we’re not always thankful for Algebra, but we can always be thankful that He uses even fraction addition to give Himself glory in the midst of our tiny little efforts, and He allows us to make beautifully straight lines pointing right back to Him with our very crooked sticks.

“But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” John 3:21

 

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